A Heartening Opression
by imotou-chan
Summary: Sakura Kinomoto, a girl with a bruised past. She feels unwanted, undeserving & unloved. With the ever present darkness surrounding her heart & corrupting her mind it's impossible for her to achieve anything alone. But when help is offered will she take it
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Card captor Sakura or any of these characters. . _That's what I'm meant to say right? '- I dunno_

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_You are not invincible but can do anything, use this knowledge wisely._

Slender fingers tap the keyboard softly; seemingly unable to decide which keys would be their next targets. A soft glow resonated from the computer casting alien shadows around the little room, illuminating the tired face of the girl currently seated in front of its screen. Though the light played upon her face creating odd angles, her overall visage was not disrupted.

Glancing towards the clock located at the corner of the computer's screen the girl sighed. The email that she had been writing was so important to her however she was unable to find what to write to her beloved father. It was the first time she had contacted him since graduation, being unable to face her past and her faults she chose the easiest option; to ignore them and him. Sadly she was too late to realise her foolishness; hadn't she always known, berated herself when she was younger that the hardest choice was always the most worthwhile and mostly always the right one.

_Time for a break I think_, she grimaced. _No_, _no breaks for me_. She focussed on the little black cursor, repeatedly in blinked at her as if daring her to employ it to express her sorrows and emotions. Yes she had made mistakes in the past but hasn't everyone?

_No,_ her eyes lost focus and became hazy with sorrowful reminiscence. _No one's ever betrayed their family like I have; no one has ever welcomed their family's warm embrace with harsh words and a turned back. I don't deserve them._

A tear dropped onto her hands and she became aware of a lump forming in her throat. _No, I can't cry_ but it was a futile thought as more clear droplets joined the first. With a surge of inspiration her hands began moving rapidly across the keyboard, and thus she started her email to her father.

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"Sakura? Sakura honey, are you home?"

A jangle of metal was heard outside the apartment of 166E, in the next few moments the door was opened almost hesitantly. A porcelain face complete with a round pair of indigo orbs, button nose and soft mouth appeared at the entrance of the door.

"Sakura?" The young woman yet again inquired, however the question seemed to hang in the air of the empty apartment. Sighing, the woman shut the door and walked towards a hallway located on her left. The multiple bags she possessed rustled softly giving a sound and a life to the silent apartment.

The woman's eyes glanced around almost inquiringly, scrutinizing everything from the pictures on the wall to the upturned corner of the mauve carpet. Entering another room she began to investigate her surroundings. Her eyes softened as she laid her bags on the downy covered bed and reached for a small photo located on a small side table.

A small smile graced her features as she brought the photo closer to her face. _Happy times, how ungraced we are with times like that now_. The photo she held feature two young girls, one was sitting on a swing while the other, hugged her from behind. The one hugging the first girl was of course herself, same indigo eyes, curling ebony locks and gentle discreet smile. The first girl – the girl on the swing- had long, dark auburn hair that looked wind-swept and surrounded a delicate face with small ringlets. The face featured almond green eyes, a small nose and dimples that high-lighted a perfect grin.

_Sakura_ she thought sadly _what happened to us, to you? Why must things change?_ The emerald eyes just looked back at her, giving no replies. Shaking her head lightly the young women, placed the picture back on her bed side table, only to see it shudder and move. Indigo eyes widened as the whole table started to vibrate, then the floor. _What?_

_Earthquake!_

Her heart thudded and her stomach became all but butterflies. Another shudder came, this time, larger causing the young women to loose her footing and be thrown against the wall. With a loud _thud_ she slid to the floor and put her head between her knees, going into a state of panic. _I can't breath_, with that thought the world around her seemed to loosen its grip, and any sense of reality slipped from her mind, she became only conscious of the inability of not being able to receive air. With her breath becoming more desperate she was only slightly aware of delicate hands coming to her aid and securing her into a firm grasp, surprisingly determined for hands so frail.

"Come Tomoyo, stop this." A soft voice cooed; it was sweet with a touch of bitterness interlaced creating a unique melody. "You must stop otherwise we are both in trouble, now please tell me. Where have you put your medicine?"

Between laboured and short breaths Tomoyo – the young women – was able to lift a pale hand and point towards a small dresser located on the other side of the room. The hands left Tomoyo, however instead of slipping back into her almost delirious state she was able to watch as the pyjama clad legs hurried across the room and bent as to let their owner gain a greater precision to the dresser's contents. Auburn curls brushed the back of their owner, who a few moments later rose again and made her way back to Tomoyo's side. In her hands was a small syringe, filled with clear liquid.

"Here we go Tomoyo, don't tense your arm," the soft voice said again. Tomoyo was dimly aware of the syringe piercing her skin and emptying its contents into her blood stream, before being slowly pulled out. Once again the hands held Tomoyo; strong and steady. Her breaths ceased to become laboured and she breathed in deeply unable to resist shuddering while she did.

After a few moments Tomoyo was able to regain control of her movements and her mind. She leaned away from the hands supporting her and was able to move onto her knees. She faced her saviour and her best friend since childhood. Soon the her concern for herself was replaced once again for the concern of her friend.

"Thank you," the corner of the girls mouth curved slightly upwards however nothing met her eyes. Tomoyo looked at the girl who she had pushed on that swing all those years ago, her hair was now longer and a deeper shade of auburn, her nose was still small and her lips were full and secretive. The shape held a soft curve, only acquired by those who had reached womanhood. However older she may look, she was still a girl.

Tomoyo looked into her friends emerald orbs. No longer were they warm and rich, able to make even jewels envy their colour. Now they became dull, guarded and almost impenetrable. This was what made her friend stay a girl, though her emotions were almost completely hidden by this façade, one stood clear and readable to those empathetic enough to look – she was completely and utterly vulnerable.

No matter what kinds of barriers were put up, the truth was her friend was exposed and vulnerable to cruelness the world held. She was vulnerable, not to the harshness of other, but to the ethics of herself, the most damaging of all.

"Come, we must put you onto your machine before the medicine wears off," this was not a fact but almost a command that hung in the air around them, building then tension Tomoyo felt. Ever since graduation last year Tomoyo was unable to communicate properly with her friend, no longer did they stay up late talking about everything. Rather Tomoyo would talk while her friend just muttered her agreement and made no sound at all.

The girl stood and left the room, Tomoyo heard her quietly pad down the dark hall and into the kitchen where she began to combine the parts to Tomoyo's machine. After a few moments Tomoyo moved to her feet, her muscles protesting and causing slight spasms.

Once in the kitchen Tomoyo sat on one of the small oak stools and secured the breathing mask around her mouth. With a small nod the machine was turned on and air mixed with medicine began to filter towards Tomoyo's mouth. Tomoyo's friend turned to leave but was stopped when a pale hand grabbed her thin wrist.

"Sakura, thank you", Tomoyo said.

Though her words were almost incomprehensible over the hum of the machine Sakura's mouth curved upwards and she nodded in acknowledgement, however her eyes yet again; were unreadable. Sakura turned from Tomoyo and walked towards the dark room at the end of the hall. Tomoyo remained on the stool watching her go. _Why you?_

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Sakura quietly shut the door of the study and returned to the large leather seat. Glancing at the computer screen her emerald orbs widened in shock and then narrowed.

_No_, the black cursor was no longer blinking; showing that the program was frozen. Sakura frantically clicked the screen with her mouse, however in remained how it was. The email she had written stared at her from the screen, almost mockingly. She smiled bitterly; it was ironic that when she finally did have the courage to contact her father she would be unable to do so due to technical issues.

_The earthquake must have damaged the powerlines underneath the city, or at least the computers modem_. All humour left her at these thoughts and she lowered her gaze to her lap. One tear slipped down her soft cheeks, illuminated by the screens light. Unable to take being restricted to the room any longer she pushed away from the desk and the email, and quietly exited.

A few moments later a light other then the computers spilt into the room and Tomoyo entered. Her face impassive she sat in the leather chair and looked at the frozen computer. Her eyes glazed over as she read the screen, _I must help Sakura; in any way I can, I . . . I must help her._

Tomoyo rose from the chair, face becoming yet again blank and she exited the room.

The last line of Sakura's email still burned in her mind clearly.

_Alas dear father I now know matters of which you have known from the start, and so shall I never again become involved with matters of the heart._

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HEY! I'm imotou-chan!, which means younger sister in Japanese for all those out there who don't know. I honestly couldn't think of a pen name and then I thought why not imotou-chan as my friend always calls me that. Well as you may have guessed I'm a new young writer trying to create and nurture a great writing talent (that I hope I posses) on this here website. As I have seen many great authors do so already. I would really appreciate any constructive criticism or encouragement from you guys reading.

I know that the story is a little blurry and stuff but I guess I'm just getting started. As you may have guessed something is not quite right with Sakura and as to what the problem and past is . .that will all b come clearer to you in later chapters and me when I think of it '-. . he heh. Yes am aware its higgledy piggedly with the quotes everywhere.

Well yes thank you . . and if I get at least a little feed back from you guys I'll know this story isn't a total bust!

Imotou-chan!


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of the other characters

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The curtains rose in a graceful movement allowing the cold morning's breeze to penetrate into the white-washed room. The wind had a small bite to it that so often helped foretell a cold and dreary winter was on its way. Soon the curtains drifted lazily back to the floor before once again being swept up by the invisible current.

A small brown leaf soon floated into the room, seeming almost unperturbed by the frosty air, which battered it about carelessly. The leaf floated nonchalantly on the frosty gale which was weakening by the second. Down, it glided until it landed soundlessly on the shoulder of a girl. The girl, though previously unaffected by the wind snapped her green eyes open with the light contact of something unfamiliar against her skin.

Her hands slowly moved towards the source that had disturbed her. Nothing could be heard in the room, even the fine white curtains move soundlessly upon the wind. With almost a hesitant movement the girl touched what was on her shoulder and relaxed when her fingers brushed the harsh texture that could only belong to a plant. She lifted the leaf into eyesight and studied it closely. The edges of the leaf were curled and dry, while its veins which had once supported and nurtured it to a flourishing life had become brown and dull. With just a little more pressure the source of her disturbance cracked and fell apart, it was so devoid of moisture that a generous touch could make it crumble. Gingerly the girl, still weary from her slumber emerged totally from under her blankets and sat on the bed, staring at the remains of the leaf.

Much of that leaf was similar to how she felt - dull and devoid of life. With just the right amount of pressure, she was certain that she to could fall apart as easily as the leaf had done, perhaps even be swept upon the wind and carried away becoming no more then a memory.

The girl spared a fleeting glance at the window. The curtains were still trapped in the current and waved at her, beckoning her to come and look at the cheerful bright world just beyond her window. The white material bounced and floated on the wind, its long arms reaching out as her welcoming. She diverted her sight, focussing on her hands placed in her lap. They appeared weak and fragile however they were immersed with one another in a tight grip, turning her knuckles white.

Unconsciously her hands loosened as her orbs returned to gazing at the remnants of the leaf. With a small movement the brown pieces were swept to the floor and onto the white carpet where they stared back at her, clear and obvious due to the contrast of light and dark. Almost unwillingly the girl tore her gaze away from the leaves and busied herself with the now untidy blankets. After a few moments she was once again surrounded by the soft material, however this time her upper torso and head was also covered.

She elapsed into total darkness both in her dreams and in her reality. Thus Sakura Kinomoto greeted another day.

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Brown eyes snapped open as a ringing sound penetrated through his mind. The alarm brought a searing pain which made his forehead crease in disagreement and himself to grunt as the bright light of a new morning reached his large and susceptible pupils. Using his hand to block the oncoming rays and help protect what remained of his eye sight, he felt his muscles contract together in a combine effort as he raised himself into a sitting position on the edge of a very messy bed. He was aware of a faint hum echoing around the room but soon recognised that to be the monotonous voice of the channel nine News reporter.

"The Tokyo earthquake that hit yesterday was only charted as a minor tremor on the scale, it caused no serious injuries with the exception of damaged powerlines in the north and east regions of the city, expanding on a 70 kilometre radius. The power has been revamped however. Professionals determine the earthquake will be the first of many more minor earthquakes. Well folks I guess the earthquake season has started earlier then expected, back to you Asuka"

With those final words the screen flashed from the big smiled, white-toothed reporter to a heavily featured but gorgeous women. Another whirl of metallic sound indicated that the alarm which had previously woken Syaoran was not yet inactive. With a groan he climbed to his feet and walked unhurriedly to the maple table which currently held the nuisance digital alarm. Syaoran switched the device off while reaching for the TV's silver remote.

Soon with all the electronics off and dormant, Syaoran resumed his position of sitting on his large bed. Gingerly he raised his hands to his temples and rubbed them lightly.

Syaoran was tired.

Not only had his companies executive chief's of OMSS (observing and maintaining statistics for stockholders) reported that the companies shareholders seemed to have dropped interest for the company but also decreased by a massive 20. This was something Syaoran could not afford for the oncoming season and so in an attempt to resolve the problem, he stayed at his office for half the night only to find the executive chief's had somehow managed to discover the statistics from four years ago concerning the OMSS division.

Syaoran shook his head lightly, today was the beginning of his leave and he planned to use it wisely. Of course when he stated he would use it wisely he meant he would not think of work and all the troublesome statistics and figures. With a sigh Syaoran stretched, lean muscles rippled beneath his skin as he did so. Lumbering to his feet, he walked towards the connecting bathroom.

_Yes_ Syaoran thought, _no more work, no more lectures and above all no more distractions._

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Each step Sakura made echoed through the empty halls of her and Tomoyo's apartment. While the apartment only contained two bedrooms, a bathroom, the usual kitchen and one spare room, which was used as a study it proved quite expensive and difficult to maintain. Tomoyo who was currently at the large mall, employed as the store manager for a clothes store was able to gather enough rent on her part and a little on Sakura's. Despite her current mood Sakura's sense of justice was still slightly appalled as Tomoyo had tried to – unsuccessfully – keep this discreet. However Sakura also found a deep shame in herself when she learnt of this. Not only had she so far burdened Tomoyo with her mood and other matters containing it but now she was forcing her friend to further spend her personal money, yet again for the sake of herself.

_I am worthless_

The thought rang clear in her mind, and though she might have tried to be rid of it, it stayed afresh and seemed to burn into her own conscious. Desperate and unable to remove or even slightly hinder the thought Sakura thought only of an unknown sanctuary outside of this desolate place. So without any resolve and based on instinct alone she unlocked the apartment door and ran.

She ran down and out of the building taking nothing with her except the long pants and singlet shirt she wore. The rhythmic pace she gathered from her run was the only factor able to justify her thoughts that her body still remained trapped in the world. Although many whom she passed saw nothing but a pale and blank faced girl going for a normal run, her mind became livid and alive with terrifying and unwanted thoughts that she was all but able to leave. Yet she managed, she appeared nothing but a concentrated face, aware of who she was, where she was going and what she wanted. How far this was from the truth and how uncertain and una pathetic people had become.

These assumptions could be nothing but far from the truth. She was no one and unvalued even to herself. She wasn't even aware of where she was only the aching pain that seared across her chest and caused a lump to rise in her throat.

Nothing existed except the primal instinct to flee pain. Her breath became ragged and pitched. Faces and objects, of what she had past in her flight and who she had know in her past flashed before her eyes, becoming clear in everything else that was a blur.

And as time passed on her earthbound self, her inner self rose into the endless darkness surrounding it and shrieked. The most vulnerable part of humans is always what lies within, and as Sakura's inner being admitted defeat and relinquished to the oncoming adversity, Sakura became aware of where she now lay.

A golden goddess loomed down at her. The statue was old and the gold paint peeling, perched in the middle of various cherry blossoms trees, all of which had deteriorating brown blossoms. Though the whole place spoke of death, rest and winter the woman's gaze held Sakura's own. It spoke of warmth, of nurturing and an unknown beauty which Sakura did not yet understand. But most of all it spoke of sanctuary, so underneath this statue adorned in elegant gold robes did Sakura rest.

She crawled to the ladies feet and nestled on the platform she was mounted on. Her face became slack and peaceful, with no troubles to disturb her exhaustion. As the wind came brown petals danced towards here figure and moved her hair from the message it had previously obscured.

_In loving memory to a loving mother, wife, sister and grandmother, may this park and personal memorial always shine with the beauty you possessed everyday of your life. Always will you be remembered and now forever will you be known as Yelan Li – The Mother._

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AN: AHHHH I'm really sorry. It's Christmas break over here and I've been working and on holidays. And I've had writers block and I'll stop making excuses now! I'm sorry this chapter is so short! I'll try to come up with something better next time, I promise! Thank you!

- cheers! Imotouchan


	3. Chapter 3

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

The sound reverberated in the air around Sakura waking her from unconsciousness and drawing her into the reality. She became aware of a warmness surrounding her body and enclosing her with embracing arms in a circle of comfort. Blissfully ignorant was she of her current surroundings and currently reminiscing on what she thought was to be nothing more then a wishful dream. A dream where she was enclosed in strong arms, and warmed to her very core, a dream where she was held against a strong chest and comforted soothingly, and most of all a dream where she reached her goal of a sanctuary all of her own.

Her eyes snapped open at this last thought. _No_ she had already achieved her goal of sanctuary, however she felt as if she had since long been removed from that place. She blinked her eyes in frustration as her small pupils adapted to the vision of white surrounding her.

_Beep_

The intrusive noise resounded through the air once again and seemed to vibrate before being encompassed by the thick silence. Sakura tracked the noise down to the monitor that was now recording her steady pulse. She found she was garbed in the crisp blue gown that belonged only to a hospital - a drip and heart monitor attached to her petite wrists. Her senses began to awaken and she smelt the clean and putrid smell belonging only to a hospital, it seemed to close in around her. The warmth she had previously felt faded and was replaced by fear and questions to her whereabouts and in particular why she was here.

"Sakura?" a hesitant voice sounded from the doorway on her right. Tomoyo peered at her from around the door she allowed herself a relieved smile as she entered and closed the door behind her.

"Sakura, I was so worried about you. When I got the call I thought. . . ." Sakura narrowed her eyes when she saw the faint tears in her friends amethyst ones. Tomoyo approached Sakura's bedside silently and slipped her hand into her long time friends. Her gaze remained locked with Sakura's, full of love, fear and pity. Sakura lowered her gaze to look at their conjoined hands. She withdrew hers. . .

"Gomen," Tomoyo also lowered her gaze to hide the tears she knew were about to spill over.

"Tomoyo?" Tomoyo looked at her friend and forced a smile onto her face. Sakura looked more fragile then she had before, her face no longer glowed with the beauty of youth but looked strained and pale. Sakura's eyes had considerably darkened and once again held no obvious signs of emotions in them, not even an obvious sign of life. Her once beautiful friend had vanished without a trace like the sun behind a dark thunder cloud.

"A man found you Sakura, lying in the Li estate parks, he said you were shivering and didn't know how long you had been out there," She paused to see Sakura's reaction or even explanation. Of course she received none. "He brought you in here and then apparently left almost immediately. Of course that was before I was even contacted. He truly is a saint, ne Sakura?"

Sakura tilted her head to one side, showing she had heard Tomoyo's question. _Why would he just leave after he went to all that effort of bringing me in? Why would he even help me? What was he doing there in the first place; I thought those were private estates._

Sakura turned away from the scrutinizing gaze of Tomoyo and lowered herself back onto the stiff sheets. With her back facing Tomoyo she closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. After a short time Sakura heard Tomoyo rise to her feet with a regretful sigh and leave the room quietly. Only once Sakura heard her friend's footsteps fading down the corridor did she open her eyes again, and raise them to the white ceiling. She pondered the questions running through her head over and over again, staring expectedly at the plain sight before her, as if it could answer these confusing queries.

_How pathetic must I have looked? I guess I was fortunate that the man was nice enough to help me and cruel enough to exit my life without too many questions. _

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A long sigh escaped an exhausted body. It had been one day since Syaoran stumbled upon the innocent and fragile form of that girl. The girl who to him resembled what the horrors of the world could do. All the sorrows and fears that could inflict one being seemed to have been thrust upon that small body, who in response fell, utterly exhausted upon the base of his very mother's statue.

He remembered in detail the panic and sickening feeling that started all at once when he saw the girl, lying with her face down and her body curled into a form of defense. His heart immediately went out to the poor little figure. He remembered turning her over and staring at the deathly visage. Her flushed skin, with its blue full lips, her forehead was wrinkled in whatever nightmare her soul was entangled with.

_Sanctuary_ was the ghostly reply he got when he started to call out to her, to bring her back from whatever edges she moved towards. He then proceeded to check for identification . . . none.

The body shuddered and the girl jerked, he had wasted enough time. Whatever had occurred to bring this girl to this particular place was at that moment unimportant, to get her . . to her sanctuary was the most important thing.

Syaoran, after leaving the girl at the local Tokyo hospital departed, as soon as he made sure she would be well looked after. He had other matters to attend to and made a silent promise to visit his very own patient later. For the rest of the day he was unable to focus on anything but the sight of the girl, covered by the wilted blossoms of the cherry trees, her frail form shuddering in the bitter wind. Whether he was in public or private, the girl was always there. To distract him, haunting him until it was unbearable to ignore even for a fraction of a time.

After a lot of inner battles about whether to keep his promise or not Syaoran now found himself, reminiscing of these past events ironically on his way to visit _'his very own patient.'_ He thought the words with a little contempt and outwardly snorted at his stupidity, what was she? His possession? Never, she was probably just some sick little girl in desperate need of counseling. That decided his steps grew more confidant as he convinced himself more and more he was just -out of karma alone - continuing the role as Good Samaritan. Little did he know, that the girl fascinated him to no end, which – for a Li- was very unusual.

Syaoran stopped and looked at the looming white building, so perfect in all its nature that anyone would almost be convinced to avoid it at any costs. He braved the inner voices and instincts and stepped inside, his hand subconsciously tightening around the small bunch of peonies. He glanced at the other people waiting, exiting, entering the room; all gripped with the same factor – time.

Time moved fast for some, slow for others and even seemed to defy logic and stop. Time for Syaoran, on this occasion sped up as he asked about his particular patient only to find that she had been released hours before he arrived. She was now currently located at her home, which he had been given the address of. Reluctantly he took the slip of paper, from the nurse certain that he would never use it. With that his business at the hospital was completed and so he turned to make certain the conclusion.

He exited the white fortress and the breath he held in him now become apparent. Slowly he released it and put a hand to his throbbing temples. Syaoran had always hated hospitals; nothing pleasant had ever occurred for him there and - he assumed – nothing ever would.

He quickly retraced his steps and entered his own apartment within the next hour. The peonies he still held in his hand were thrown onto the large couch as he sunk down next to them. Bending over his hands once again flew to his temples and then ruffled his hair in frustration. Just when things were planned to be simple, his life was thrown into drama – constantly haunted by a small pale figure. Kinomoto Sakura, her name. He smirked at the irony. Sakura blossoms were known for their fragility and short life span, but then again they were also known for their simple beauty and constant blooming very spring. After the season of death and sleep, they would bloom. Perhaps Syaoran thought, his girl would be the same. Her face flashed across his mind, and _then again _he thought, _maybe she won't. _

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_Cold. . . not a simple term of the weather but an expression in which describes me. I am not numb otherwise I wouldn't feel this pain. I feel cold and alone. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel lost. I feel the end. Why can one person effect me so much? He said I was worth it, obviously he lied. He said it was okay – he lied, he said he missed me – he lied. Alas, I cannot blame him, it is the constant cycle of relationships, but why can he not feel the pain? Why can't he suffer? I miss him so much, his words of humor, comfort, taunting and appreciation. I never want those again because I know that the one who offers them, will never be him. I never want to feel this pain again, I never want to let go of him. I don't know if I loved him, but certainly there was something that may have bloomed into love. Broken heart . .no. something worse. Shattered hopes, caught in this oppression . . but do I even want to leave._

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_AN: _sorry, I havnt updated in ages. . . the last part btw is sakura's thoughts. Alittle insight to her past

Sorry its so short. Umm, yeah. Bye


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